I sit here today and it is storming outside. The rain rushes against my window and I can smell the incense I have burning. The sounds of Wagner fill the room and I can't help but think of you.
I wonder about this man who has taken possession of my heart...my mind....my soul; this stranger who seems to hold my very life in his hands. This kind giant who is little by little banishing fear from my life.
You have taken over my every waking moment and every dream. I find myself thinking of you in the most unrelated moments. Walking through a building or driving down the highway...someone tells me a joke and I think how you would find it funny....someone behind me laughs and I turn in shock, expecting to see you.
I wake up in the morning, and my arms hurt from not being able to hold you. I hear a song and I feel like crying when it speaks to me of you. I read poetry and my heart breaks as I see you in every line.
I sit at work and try to imagine you doing the same. I picture you going through your daily routines and I long to touch you. People crowd my space and I feel like screaming for you. Sights and sounds attack my senses and all I can do is close my eyes and think of you.
How can I love you? How can I love a man who is a continent away from me? Rivers, lakes, mountains and canyons separate us yet I'm closer to you than any to any other. People stand next to me and have no idea what my thoughts are...yet, you reach out to me across thousands of miles and instantly know what I'm feeling. I have asked you before to explain how you can know me so well....and I still don't understand.
I have loved before. You know this. But I have never felt this way before. I have never trusted anyone with so much faith. I can't remember anyone ever touching me as deeply as you. You have given me so much and I.... I have nothing I can give you.... only my heart.
You have taken me places I have never been. A few times you have scared me right out of my mind. I have never felt a fear so raw as you've made me feel. But....somehow you bring me back. I open my eyes and I am, again, in the safety of your arms. And I know that you will protect me...keep me safe. When I'm in your arms I realize....nothing can touch me. You keep all evil away and all I can give you is... humble gratitude.
For so long I waited for someone to make me feel the way you do. I dreamed of a love who would own me body and soul....who could read my mind and know my feelings; touch me and set my skin on fire. My heart goes wild at the sound of your voice. You have given me life; and all I can give you is...my soul.
Outside my window the rain still falls. The lake looks so angry. The storm is relentless.
And I wish you were with me.
I sit back and decide to put down my wishes. Like the little child who writes to Santa...I guess, even after all this time, I still believe.
I want to wake you in the morning with my touch. I want to open myself to you...for you. I want to do all the boring things like make you breakfast....or search for your socks.....I want to be happy all day.....anticipating the coming night...I want to walk with you, hand in hand.....and then lay before you...trembling...as you take me in ways I have never been taken before...and when you grow weary, I will take you in my arms and love you to sleep....I will hold you in my arms as I fall asleep....and you will be the last thing I see before my dreams of you begin....I want to be all things for you.
Yes. I confess. I'm a dreamer. For many years my dreams were locked away. Walls were carefully built. The path to them destroyed. And then one day...you pulled me to your side. You started me back on that forgotten road....tore down the walls and unlocked my soul. And it, having at long last found the one who would own it, bowed before you and took refuge in your hands.
You own it now. Just as you own my body and my heart. All I can do is remain secure in the knowledge that you will care for all three. That they are all safe with you.
The rain is still falling. The night is darker than ever. No moon will show it's light tonight. The sounds of thunder fill the night. And yet I hear my heart...crying out for you....lonely for it's master to come and make it safe.